the spiritual photojournal of cat moore

3:30 am:
Matthew 4:18-22
Jesus Calls His First Disciples

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.  “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you  fishers of men.”  At once they left their nets and followed him.

Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

I was a little blown away by the fact that it says they left at once and immediately.  Not only that, but when speaking of James and John it says they left the boat AND their father.

Imagine this: A father fishing with his sons and they are getting ready to cast the net.  A man walks up and says he is the Son of God and tells them to follow him.  I would imagine the brothers would look to their father for approval before going.  The Bible doesn’t speak of this or any conversation between the father and sons but you know there had to be!  There was a good-bye between the father and the sons, right?  I can’t imagine they just dropped the nets saying, “See ya, Pops!” without looking back!

As I studied more about this, I learned that John the Baptist had been telling all the fishermen to get ready for the the Messiah was coming!  John (James’ brother) had spent some time with Andrew at the Jordon River and had listened to John the Baptist speak of Jesus.  So, when Jesus came and asked them to follow, they knew he had truly found the Messiah.

Why do you think it was so easy to just drop their nets and follow Him?

Ahhhh, easy.  I bet you can guess where this is going.

They trusted Him.

(insert small, silent chuckle from my side of the bed at approximately 4:15 am)

Are you starting to see a trend?  I am.  A trust trend.  Or perhaps a lack of trust trend.  You would think I would have learned by now.

The more I get to know God, who He is and who He says I am, the clearer I can hear His voice.  I don’t think I knew what I was getting myself into when I prayed for a word last year and decided upon “trust”.  It’s sort-of like praying for patience — pray for patience and God will sure pour into you life situations in which you will be force to learn patience.  Since praying for trust, God has worked in our lives and I’ve had to learn to hand it over and actually trust.

Being really transparent here folks…..here’s a real encounter I had with God recently that started a few nights ago.  Let me set the scene for you.    I go to bed frustrated because our living and financial circumstances are still where they were a year ago.  Some days I’m good.  You know, counting my blessings.  This day had been hard.  I wanted security, good insurance, a bigger house, decorative pillows, new clothes, another baby, 9 to 5-ness, NORMALCY!  I go to bed and I’m praying….

God, I know You know my dreams, the desires of my heart.  Why?  Why, why, why?  What can I do to get John Taylor to sacrifice more so he can do what he should do for us…for me?  Oooo, I know, maybe I could get him to watch that sermon from that Wednesday night!  You know, the night he didn’t go to church, God?  If he could hear that man talk about sacrificing his dreams of playing football in the NFL to become a pastor maybe……
(God interrupts me.)

“Child, what have you sacrificed?  What have you surrendered?  Have you trusted Me with everything?”

Oh God!  I’ve trusted you with everything!  Remember!  You know this!  My son, marriage, husband, our finances….everything!  Now, why can’t John Taylor have the same desire I do?  Why can’t he figure out his purpose and calling already so we can have another baby and get on with our lives!  I’m tired of everything being on hold!

“Have you sacrificed that?”

What?
Ooooooo.  The baby thing?  You mean, my plan to have a certain number of kids a certain number of years apart in a certain amount of time?  Yea, that.  Ummmm, can’t give that one up, Lord.  Nope.  Sorry.  That’s my dream.  My calling.  Since I can remember.

(silence)

(insert tears)

(insert crickets)

(insert bawling crying)

No.  No, no, no, no, no, no.  Not that God!  That’s all I have left.

(still crying)

Lots more “No’s”.  I may or may not have punched the pillow

(deep breath)

Ok God.  I’m going to trust you.  I’m going to hand this over to You.  But, You are going to have to give me some kind of peace and understanding about this otherwise I’m going to struggle.

“What have I told you, Child?”

(peace.  understanding.)

Ok, so if I’m not going to be having babies at the moment then what am I supposed to be doing?  Wait, You do mean I’m not going to have babies at the moment and will one day resume, right?
(insert more crying)
God, we’re too good at having babies!  There are women out there dying inside because they can’t have children – we rub up against each other and have children.  You did that!  Why wouldn’t You do that again?

“Child, what did I tell you at the start of 2012?”

To be still, God!  To be still and stop working.  To be a mom full time like I was called to be and let John Taylor be the provider for this family.  To stop being so busy and focus on what truly mattered.  To be still and let You fight for me.  You told me to be still, now why would you tell me something different?

“I told you to be still so you could get to know Me.”

Oh.

“I told you to be still so you could hear Me.”

Oh.  It worked.  I hear you loud and clear now.  And I might add I’m not really liking what I’m hearing.

“Trust Me.”

Ok, I will.

The next morning I awoke with a sense of peace, not because I liked what I knew, but because at least I knew something.  In the shower, I continued the conversation….

So God, remind me again why all of this is good.  And, if I’m not supposed to be at home having babies right now, what am I supposed to be doing?  It better be good because I honestly can’t imagine anything better than having babies!
This time, instead of words (an answer) popping into my head, a verse immediately popped entered my mind:

I was ok with that for the moment.

I went about my day and it wasn’t until I met with a very wise man that even more was revealed to me.  He reminded me of the Parable of the Talents, also in the book of Matthew.  The servant who hid his talent to keep it safe ended up getting it taken away by the Lord.  (insert stomach inching its way up into my throat)  I’m starting to feel sick because I know its God speaking to me though this man in my life.  My dream is to write a book for women.  My fear is if I actually do it!  I also kept putting it aside because of the season I’m in now — you know, the season of being at home having babies.   Yea, that one.  It’s starting to all make sense.

Ok God.  I’m trusting you.  What if I actually do this?  What if I write a book and people actually read it?  What then?

(it was as if God was looking down at me smiling….words start popping in my head)

“Obedience.  Blessings flow.  In that order.  You are getting this.”

I can remember writing a post when John Taylor first lost his job — something about what bad things happen to good people.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Well, maybe because they are ‘good’ people.  Stick with me here.  They are so good that God chose them.  Maybe He sees just how well good people cast their nets out into the big, open waters.  He chooses them, but first they must endure the valley.  The valley is where they can become more like Him, suffering so to minister to others one day.  The valley is where they are forced to turn to Him and finally see there is more to life than this.  They start out ordinary, good people just casting the net but end up extraordinary people who were chosen to follow Him and be fishers of men.

God, you’re good.  And I’ve seen what goodness comes from such little trust on my part; I can’t wait for the celebration on our mountaintop.  Thank. You. Jesus.